


14x18 Coda

by contemplativepancakes



Series: Season 14 Codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14x18, Coda, Established Relationship, M/M, referenced canon supporting character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 00:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18435374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/contemplativepancakes/pseuds/contemplativepancakes
Summary: He concedes that Sam has a point as he stares at the ash floating around above the pyre. Dean lashed out at him, but he’ll come around when he’s ready. Cas wants to be upset for what Dean said, but he knows Mary has always been one of Dean’s sensitive points, and Cas doesn’t want to waste any of whatever amount of time he has left being mad at Dean. No, Dean will come to him.





	14x18 Coda

Cas stuffs his hands in his pockets. He grinds his shoe into the grass. He tugs on his hair. He takes a step towards Dean, but Sam’s hand on his chest stops him from getting any further. He aches at the sight of Dean’s face. Cas can see the lines of worry and stress, and he would do anything to ease them. He concedes that Sam has a point as he stares at the ash floating around above the pyre. Dean lashed out at him, but he’ll come around when he’s ready. Cas wants to be upset for what Dean said, but he knows Mary has always been one of Dean’s sensitive points, and Cas doesn’t want to waste any of whatever amount of time he has left being mad at Dean. No, Dean will come to him.

Cas lays in their bed that night, but Dean doesn’t come. He works on knitting a scarf, a recent hobby that he’s picked up.

 When 7 am rolls around, Cas sets his needles to the side and goes to the kitchen. Dean and Sam are sitting at the table with their coffee. Cas sits down, and Dean immediately gets up, leaving his coffee behind. Sam shoots him an apologetic look. Cas shrugs, determined not to be bothered, and takes a sip of Dean’s coffee. Sam snorts. Cas finishes the mug and goes to the coffee pot for a refill.

He takes the coffee and peeks into the library, but Dean’s not there. Cas walks down the hallway. He doesn’t hear shooting from the gun range, water running in the showers, or a movie emanating from Dean’s den. Cas sighs and scrubs a hand down his face. He had refilled the mug for Dean, but he’s nowhere to be found, so Cas swallows some down, the heat soothing to his throat. He walks to their bedroom and pushes open the door. He drops the mug, shattering the ceramic, when he sees Dean in the center of their bed. Dean jumps, startled by the crashing. “Hey,” Dean says sheepishly.

Cas waves a hand and the mug reappears in one piece. “I brought you some coffee.”

Dean takes the mug. He points to the bedside table, where Cas had put his knitting. “What are you making?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Cas asks back, deciding not to mention it’s a scarf for Dean.

Dean gives him a tentative smile, but sobers quickly. “I’m so sorry,” he says.

“I know,” Cas replies, climbing into the bed with Dean and handing him the mug.  
Cas settles against the headboard. He reaches a tentative hand out for Dean. Dean meets him halfway, scooting over so their thighs are pressed together. Dean heaves a sign and laces their fingers together. He brings the coffee up to his lips. “Shit, that’s hot!” he curses.

“Sorry,” Cas apologizes.

“Wait, no, look, I’m the one who has to apologize here, not you. Just give me a second, okay?”

Cas waits patiently, as requested, and leans closer to Dean.

“This has kind of been my worst nightmare since she came back,” Dean admits.

Cas doesn’t say anything. He knows if he starts talking, Dean will probably get spooked and stop.

“Amara wanted to give me what I needed most, and I guess what she thought I needed was this ideal mom I’d pictured for the last thirty years. I already had you in the bag, so I guess she thought I was fine on that front,” Dean says with a grin that doesn’t reach his eyes, knocking his shoulder into Cas’s.

Cas gives him a mild smile.

“And then it wasn’t perfect. She went off with the men of letters,” Dean huffs a laugh, “I guess she had a type.”

Cas looks up at Dean’s face which is so open. The only time Cas sees Dean like this is when they’re together, hidden away from the rest of the world.

“But then she came back, and she still needed a lot of space, but it was getting better. And then,” Dean pauses, and Cas can see tears start to well up.

He gives Dean’s hand a squeeze.

“And now this, and I guess I was mad at everyone, and you’re the only one who puts up with my crap, you know? Everybody always leaves me. So, I took it out on you, and you didn’t deserve that all. Even after I said that to you, you were still looking for her,” Dean sighs. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“I’m here,” Cas says, and he leans in.

Dean meets him halfway and presses his lips against Cas’s gently. Cas brings one of his hands up to cup Dean’s neck. Dean pulls away for a second to set his coffee on the nightstand. Then, he pushes Cas against the headboard and presses his tongue against Cas’s lips, then inside his mouth. Cas can almost taste the desperation coming off of him, and he cards a hand through Dean’s hair, holding on tightly.

When they had returned from the funeral pyre, and Dean had made his way into the bowels of the bunker, Sam had given Cas a stern talking to about how he shouldn’t be so quick to forgive Dean.

 _But_ , Cas thinks guiltily, _Sam_ _doesn’t_ _know_ _about_ _the_ _deal_ _I_ _made_. _And_ _neither_ _does_ _Dean_. He wonders if Dean would still be kissing him if he knew exactly what he had given up for the person who had killed his mother.

Cas swallows down his worry about the Empty. He’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.


End file.
